Reminiscing

Camargo Girls Easter 2008

It's a busy, busy week for us Mario's birthday is Saturday, and we will celebrate by attending Soccer games at 10 am and 12:30pm, with the girls. Ellie and Gabby both have birthdays next week. Soccer practices, and more games, job interviews, high school class selection, etc, etc.....



Today is my own special day to reminisce. Nobody else really remembers the day our baby passed away, and that's ok, I think. I remember, and I'm amazed at how the edges of the memory have softened. Time really does heal. Having Gabby and Samm hasn't replaced the space in my heart that is just his, but it doesn't gape, it isn't raw and sore anymore. The tears rarely fall anymore. When I think of him, it isn't usually with sadness and pain, but fondness and curiosity. I wonder what he's doing, what his important work is, what he thinks of me and my efforts. I don't feel the need to correct people anymore and remind them that I do have a son, and that I have 7 children, and not just 6 beautiful swirling dancing princesses. I'm content to hold him close in my heart and let the memory of him live there. The girls talk about him, and are eager to let people know that they do have a brother, he's just in heaven. I think it's sweet that they remember him.



The experience of expecting Sam Owen, and then the loss, has taught me in perhaps the smallest degree that we often take this earthly existence for granted. My friend was telling me about her 3 month old niece who began having seisures over the weekend. Somehow, we've gotten to a place where we expect things to go smoothly, and for our babies to all be strong and healthy and grow up and live full lives, and it simply isn't so. Each moment, EACH BREATH that we have with them is a gift. And if for some reason we suddenly don't have them with us anymore, all is not lost. We will be reunited, assuming we are willing to go the distance.



I'm so thankful for the spiritual preparation that I had prior to his death 3 years ago. For the kind people who knew just to say "I love you, I'm sorry." Even for those who didn't know that less was more.... I'm thankful for the strengthening of my testimony of eternal families, and the knowledge of Heavenly Father's awareness of me as his daughter. I'm thankful for the children I AM raising. I'm thankful for my sisters...you know who you are. Brothers and Mom and Dad, too, of course.



Anyway, enough of that. I have to go check on Gabby.........I know you all wish you could hear her belting out Bob Marley's "Buffalo Soldier" at the top of her lungs as she sits on top of the garbage can in the pantry stuffing her face with goldfish crackers...... "Oi yo-yo, oi yo-yo-yo, oi yo-yo, yo-yo-yo, yo-yo".......