Reminiscing

Camargo Girls Easter 2008

It's a busy, busy week for us Mario's birthday is Saturday, and we will celebrate by attending Soccer games at 10 am and 12:30pm, with the girls. Ellie and Gabby both have birthdays next week. Soccer practices, and more games, job interviews, high school class selection, etc, etc.....



Today is my own special day to reminisce. Nobody else really remembers the day our baby passed away, and that's ok, I think. I remember, and I'm amazed at how the edges of the memory have softened. Time really does heal. Having Gabby and Samm hasn't replaced the space in my heart that is just his, but it doesn't gape, it isn't raw and sore anymore. The tears rarely fall anymore. When I think of him, it isn't usually with sadness and pain, but fondness and curiosity. I wonder what he's doing, what his important work is, what he thinks of me and my efforts. I don't feel the need to correct people anymore and remind them that I do have a son, and that I have 7 children, and not just 6 beautiful swirling dancing princesses. I'm content to hold him close in my heart and let the memory of him live there. The girls talk about him, and are eager to let people know that they do have a brother, he's just in heaven. I think it's sweet that they remember him.



The experience of expecting Sam Owen, and then the loss, has taught me in perhaps the smallest degree that we often take this earthly existence for granted. My friend was telling me about her 3 month old niece who began having seisures over the weekend. Somehow, we've gotten to a place where we expect things to go smoothly, and for our babies to all be strong and healthy and grow up and live full lives, and it simply isn't so. Each moment, EACH BREATH that we have with them is a gift. And if for some reason we suddenly don't have them with us anymore, all is not lost. We will be reunited, assuming we are willing to go the distance.



I'm so thankful for the spiritual preparation that I had prior to his death 3 years ago. For the kind people who knew just to say "I love you, I'm sorry." Even for those who didn't know that less was more.... I'm thankful for the strengthening of my testimony of eternal families, and the knowledge of Heavenly Father's awareness of me as his daughter. I'm thankful for the children I AM raising. I'm thankful for my sisters...you know who you are. Brothers and Mom and Dad, too, of course.



Anyway, enough of that. I have to go check on Gabby.........I know you all wish you could hear her belting out Bob Marley's "Buffalo Soldier" at the top of her lungs as she sits on top of the garbage can in the pantry stuffing her face with goldfish crackers...... "Oi yo-yo, oi yo-yo-yo, oi yo-yo, yo-yo-yo, yo-yo".......

Aspirations.....

Thank you all for your expressions of concern. I have not sunk to the depths of last week since, well, last week. Trying to keep up the exercise and the fresh air and the ignoring the housework to obsess about creating digital scrapbooking layouts. Whatever works. Sometimes it is important to remember that I AM SO NOT IN CONTROL! (Or, maybe I'm so out of control?)



Anyway, looking forward to Conference this weekend. It's been another rollercoaster week, but Alanna was 16 in placement of the "first come, first serve" for the Spanish Immersion program. Assuming that she aces her academic screening (and I am assuming she will) she should make it into the program. YEAH!!!! One way or another she will learn spanish.



Isa lost another tooth, was hysterical when she couldn't find the toothfairy's "offering," and then beyond hysterical when the toothfairy hurried in to leave something while mommy distracted her and forgot to take her tooth. This fantasy stuff is a lot of work.



Sophia has been in mega teenager mode. It's been rough. I'm trying to ignore the fact that in about 10 years, I'll have 5 of them at the same time.



All of a sudden, Gabby is speaking in full sentances. Woohoo. And to think 6 months ago, I was worried about her verbal development.



Ellie continues to tell me I know nothing about anything, and her vast experience is far superior to mine, in any given circumstance. Of course.



Sammie is still sunshine and developing so much character. Nearly always smiling, and she's a girl after my own heart....she's become a lover of hair. She'll suck her thumb and run her finger through my hair at the back of my neck. True bonding.



I posted my "domestic goddess" layout to a scrapbooking gallery today....my first submission. My goals are to someday be on somebody's creative team, and to eventually create my own digital elements and market them. I'd love that. Spend my time (once the kids are all in school, of course) creating, scrapbooking, etc. Bliss. Anyway, if you want to see it (again :-) go to Little Dreamer Designs at http://www.littledreamerdesigns.com/gallery/showgallery.php?cat=555 . If you really want to make my day, you can even leave me some "love" by way of comments.



Along the lines of "domestic goddess-ness" I made bread again today (we have so much wheat and flour - thanks honey - that I'm going to be baking all of our bread and then some to use it, specifically the flour, up before it goes bad) and the family joke is that it's "Love" bread. When I knead it, I put all the love, charity and compassion I can muster into it (per the instructions on Hillbilly Housewives family bread recipe). I swear I've never tasted such yummy bread, with such great texture. Try it....you'll never make bread without "love" ever again!!!



'til next time......